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Another St Patricks Day is here, and our nation does it best to show the world how many different green colored beers we can pour down our gullets while doing our best impersonation of the Lucky Charms Leprechaun.

Now I’m not square or the mayor of Breinigsville but can we give up this stupid concept of St Patricks Day? Let us call it what it is, a day to drink until you puke a green shamrock shake outside of the second hole in the wall bar.

Frat boys galore are wearing their most excellent green Abercrombie & Fitch shirts while asking every drunk girl to kiss their Blarney Stones and play with their Shillelaghs.

And of course, everyone knows that for one day were all a little bit Irish. Isn’t that right Sheamus Mc Rodriguez?

It is embarrassing that we as a country get so excited over a holiday that has no real meaning for Americans. Sure the blood of our nation has some green it from those who immigrated from the Emerald Isle. However, it is not like we are celebrating Irish culture. I’m pretty sure that there is more to Ireland other than crappy watered down green beer and corned beef & cabbage.

Under the surface, this is no different than everyone’s favorite south of the border holiday which less Cinco De Mayo and more Sinkin My Mouth Into Taco.

Americans need an excuse to party and lose our souls drinking. It is like a mental version of The Purge. On an excellent day for a few hours, we are allowed to become the savages we want to be while pickling our livers with Guinness. The next morning the pot o’ gold sized headache signals that you’ve released mental steam to stave off the urge to shank your cubicle mate and drink coffee out of his skull for a few more months.

I propose we get rid of these pseudo-cultural holidays that no one knows the meaning of and have a quarterly Mental Purge Holiday.

No dying our booze different colors. No wearing of costumes that border on racism. No more pretending that we care about cultures from places barely anyone can find on a map. Just good old fashion drink and eat yourself stupid all while trying to put your dog in a leprechaun outfit that he will he tear off before cutting your jugular out.

God Bless:: burp:: America.

Disrespectfully Yours, Leo

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