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I would be Lion if I said I wasn’t happy about the success of the Orlando City Soccer Club and if you said that people were upset at the new soccer stadium I would say that you have to be, kitten me. (Why yes I have no problem going for the low hanging fruit of comedy writing).

The City of Orlando is building a brand new almost 20,000 seat for the Orlando City Soccer Club as part of the deal to bring them into Major League Soccer. The Lions had been playing in the Citrus Bowl for most of the tenure in the United Soccer League until last year when the Citrus Bowl was renovated.

You know the Citrus Bowl? It’s that Stadium used for two bowl games, WWE events, and monster truck shows. The rest of the 99% of the year it sits idly by as beautiful football stadium for a city that docent have a football team.

Anyways… Major League Soccer said that they would award the Lions a spot in MLS as long as a soccer stadium was built sometime shortly.

It was decided that the stadium would be put partially the historic section of Orlando called Paramore. You’ll know Paramore as the place where suburban white people fear driving near for fear of seeing some hoodlum with underpants showing from his saggy jeans.

Paramore, for the most part, is a crappy area. There I said what most people would say but are too afraid to speak (you know like me behind the dislike of a stupid blog). The area has one of the highest crime rates in Orlando.

Some would say that bringing a multi-million dollar stadium would help spur economic growth for the area. Those people are morons. This was told about the stinky Amway Center, and the reality is that the only people who benefit are the already rich folks pulling strings. The majority of the jobs that were brought are crummy food stands that charge you $12 for thimble of beer and a crumb of pretzel.

Now there are some folks in Paramore that are upset at their community being further pushed away and whitewashed. These people fear that they are just going to be swept away and they are right duct tape and i think they should.

Heres the deal, Paramore is a crappy area for the most part. The funny thing is that the people who are upset at the soccer stadium are the one who deserves to have a great community. Problem is that they while they may be the majority of the population the seedy criminal element has spread their message out so far and fast that even ISIS would be impressed.

Paramore needs to be put bulldozed and paved over. It is not something that can be salvaged. These great people who have a rich culture and are contributors to society can’t undo the work of all the thugs, scumbags, and dodo’s who keep putting Paramore in the news.

We have all seen that 89 Honda Accord that is being held together by duct-tape and a prayer. No matter how many paint jobs, oil changes, racing stickers, and CD players you but in that car, eventually it will just break down like a Disney pop-star when she turns 18.

I saw build the soccer stadium and continue on taking over Paramore and put it out of the cities misery. Keep the beautiful upkeep sections which shockingly there are and bulldoze the rest. Then take the rubble to burn it, grind it, and then salt the earth.

Let’s assimilate Paramore and show that it is not a just a place for liars and cheetahs (i’ll see myself out).

Disrespectfully Yours, Leo

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